Eat your heart out, Mr. Poe

The following has nothing to do with entrepreneurship and very little to do with business of any kind. I just felt like having a little Halloween fun.

No studio has yet gone hitless

When a movie scared folks shitless.

Dracula and Frankenstein

Did wonders for the bottom line

Ghosts, gorillas, mummy queens

Psychopaths and shower scenes

And though they make the critics sick,

People love the slasher flick,

Which follows these unwritten rules:

Adults are almost always fools.

The heroines resist boys’ urgings,

And survive the spree as virgins,

While everyone who’s having sex is

Butchered like those kids in Texas.

But let’s face it, since Bram Stoker,

Most horror flicks are mediocre

The great ones few and far between,

With none surpassing Halloween.

Which spawned a million copycats

With Freddie this, or Jason that,

Not to mention every sequel

But other freaks could never equal

Silent slasher Michael Myers

Whose stony face shows no desires,

No love, no hate, no motivation,

But fondness for evisceration.

He strangles naked P J Soles

And leaves her boyfriend full of holes.

(And Soles, for all you trivia types

Played the hot MP in Stripes.)

And only Jamie Lee escapes

Despite a series of close scrapes.

Michael’s shot by Doctor Loomis

And falls two floors, but his doom is

Momentary.

Did I mention this was scary?

We see Michael flattened on the ground,

But next we look, he’s not around.

Cut to credits, cue the theme

And hope nobody heard you scream.

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9 thoughts on “Eat your heart out, Mr. Poe

  1. I’m completely impressed you wrote a really decent poem with the word evisceration and some little known trivia. Well done!

  2. @Vic Larson
    “Urgins’s/virgins” is not without precedent, to wit:
    “The limerick form is complex
    Its contents run chiefly to sex
    It burgeons with virgins
    and masculine urgins’
    and swarms with erotic effects”

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