LUNATIC MAY HAVE BLOCKBUSTER APP

I received an e-mail the other day from someone identifying himself only as “Roger.”  It started as an interesting sales pitch but quickly degenerated into … well, you tell me.  Still, I thought Roger’s idea was intriguing, so I decided to share his message.  I’ve removed the names of his former company and boss, but otherwise the text is intact.

Maybe it’s the idiot doing 45 in the left lane of the outbound Edens.  Or the geezer cruising down the Tri-State with his left turn signal blinking all the way from Willow to Golf.  Or the space cadet on westbound 80 with his cruise control set half a mile an hour faster than you, taking about four miles to pass you with his headlights in your side mirror the whole time.

Sooner or later you’ll develop an urgent need to communicate with one of your fellow motorists, and there’s only so much you can say with a raised middle finger.

For just such situations, I introduce …  RoadRanter!

This mobile app allows you to send audio messages to other cars through their radios.  Just enter the license plate number, and RoadRanter connects your phone to a frequency that overrides their radio signal and puts your voice in their ears.

Huge potential demographic?

Legal? Sort of. Genius? No question.

I’m sure no one at _______ expected such a breakthrough when they laid me off two years ago.  They told me it was nothing personal, just budget cutting, but you think I didn’t notice the relief in my department when they saw me packing up my desk?  They knew their ideas would look better once they didn’t have to compete with mine.  You think I didn’t see the envy in ______’s face when I confided in him that the voices of dead inventors spoke to me in the break room every morning at 10:30?

But did I sit around the house with my hermit crabs and mope?  Did I sue ______ for the millions of dollars it rightfully owed me?  Did I climb the water tower across the street from the parking lot with a sniper’s rifle?  No.  I was glad, because I finally had time to do some real inventing.

First I had to hack into the Secretary of State’s database.  No big challenge, really, except for having to change my IP address three times a day to avoid the DMV agents.  After that all I had to do was … LOL … did you really think I’d spill my secret without encrypting the message?  I know you’re reading this, _______.  In fact, I’ve got a personal message just for you!  You might want to hear it.  But if you don’t, I have just a few words of advice:

Don’t turn on your car radio.

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